I don't know why I'm even writing right now. I am so tired, I'm having a difficult time seeing the screen and typing. There's been a big storm here tonight and I've loved it. I don't like driving in it though. But I've been sitting here doing homework and the sound of the rain is so peaceful. It has helped calm me down. I think the Gospel is a lot like rain... if you let it wash over you, it cleans away all your worries and cares and you're left feeling clean and refreshed.

well that was my little rant of thought for tonight. night!!!

25 Random Things

My sister did this, so I thought I would too. =]

25 Random Things
1. I am in a lot of pain from snowboarding yesterday
2. I'm still trying to decide what I want to do for a living
3. I want to move out badly, but money is an issue. and so is my fear of being alone.
4. I love my three nephews. They make my world.
5. School is a lot more enjoyable for me now.
6. I wish I was the same size I was my senior year of high school.
7. I'm turning 20 this year, and I can't believe it.
8. I haven't been on a date in about 6 months, and I'm dying to go on one.
9. I'm really craving enchiladas right now.
10. I'm so excited Curtis is home! I get to see my best friend again!
11. I wish I spent more time with my sister.
12. I really need to put up my clothes. and clean my room haha
13. I can't wait to have kids of my own.
14. I need to lay back down.
15. I'm really confused about where my life is going.
16. I'm seriously considering going on a mission.
17. I'm addicted to Hot Cheetos.
18. I can't wait to be done with Chandler-Gilbert.
19. I want to go to BYU-I
20. I love my family even though they drive me up the wall about 80% of the time.
21. I'm going to Texas for spring break and I'm actually excited about it.
22. I'm a momma's girl and always will be. I love spending time with my mom.
23. I love my big truck but I'm ready to have a smaller car
24. I need and want a job, but the economy is making it difficult to find one.
25. It's time for me to go lay back down. My hips and my back are killing me.

i had a rude awakening earlier tonight. two years ago when i was seventeen i got this beautiful fur jacket for my birthday. back then i was a size 8. i have a snow trip this weekend and i tried on my jacket...it didn't fit at all. and this afternoon when i went to the dr's office, i weighed in at 210 pounds. i just broke down crying. i lost sight of what i was becoming. i've been in denial. yet the fact remains (and with no way to sugar coat it) that i am fat.

i need to lose this weight. i'm not healthy, and i'm so ashamed of myself. i'm so angry that i let myself get this heavy.

i don't know where to start. i feel really lost and feel so helpless.

starting weight: 210lbs.
goal weight: 150lbs.
weight loss goal: -60lbs.

Having chest congestion SUCKS. I have felt like this for the past two weeks and I'm pretty much sick of it. It's hard to focus on school when you feel like crap. Anyways, lately I've been getting the feeling that I'm supposed to go on a mission. So I've decided that I'm going to start preparing myself for it just in case. If I end up getting married instead, that'll be fne because then I'll have grown spiritually anyways. =]

The Lion King

I'm almost all smiles lately and I love it! And before you can ask, no there isn't a guy, haha. I'm just genuinely happy with life. I've accepted me for myself and for how my life is.

So school started this past week and it looks like it is going to be a good semester! I'm taking Spanish, Intro to Theatre, Weight Training and Media and Society. I think I'm finally getting to that point where I can take classes that I'm actually interested in and that should make it easier for me to get involved with it. :]

I just had a girl's night out with my mom and it was a BLAST! We went to Mill Ave and ate at Chili's. We both ordered hamburgers that were REALLY yummy and we split this chocolate chip molten cake and it was SO good. It probably had more calories than I should have had, but shhhh! It's our little secret! hahaha. After dinner we walked back to Gammage and watched The Lion King! It was AMAZING!!! The costumes and stage sets were so creative and colorful and the music was fantastic as well. It was a wonderful night and I'm glad I got to share that experience with my loving mother.

I'm certainly not very good at updating this thing hahaha. Well life has been pretty rough for me the past month or so. Just having to deal with friend issues and my own personal demons has taken a toll on me. However, I now have a beautiful new nephew, Paxton :] That has been one definite plus in my life because I love my nephews so very much!! Even though things have been tough, I have become closer to my Heavenly Father and it has helped me stay happy and pushing me through the day to day struggle of life.

School starts next week, and I can't decide if I'm excited about it or not. I'm definitely taking classes that should be fun or at least interesting, but I just don't know what to expect. This will most certainly be an interesting semester to say the least.

too long

wow, it has been way too long since i wrote in here. well life has certainly been interesting lately. me and my boyfriend broke up last sunday and i'm actually handling it very well. it was for the best since he's leaving for school. i was pretty sad for the first week, but on sunday at church i just realized that i am in control of my own happiness. it could be a lot worse and everything happens for a reason.

i'm done with summer school and i get about two weeks off until i have to go back. so i'm gonna be workin' and makin some money! hahaha. well speaking of which i better go get ready for work.

PEACE OUT!